It Takes Time To Make A Place Home!

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I came to Bangalore in 2010 as a newly-wed, all set to start a new life with my man. Though struggling with work and life, we enjoyed our times together, valued our privacy and loved our life in general. Yet, Bangalore never meant home to us. At every excuse that I had, which was almost every month, I rushed to Trivandrum, where my parents were. Every long weekend was eagerly looked forward to, to rush back to the place where I grew up and spend time there. Bangalore was a temporary arrangement, where work wanted us to be, where we wished to spend our initial years together. Nothing more. It was never meant to be one where we would settle down forever. 

We weren't locals here, we didn't know where to get the best bargain, we didn't know those nooks and corners that hide those age old shops where you get whatever you want at the best rates. We, in fact, didn't know anything about the place. We were strangers in this place, trying to fit in. We stayed here because we had to, not because we loved to. Those times when I was asked if I liked Bangalore or Trivandrum, I knew from heart what my answer was. Most of my pregnancy days were spent in Trivandrum, simply because I had my people around me, help was at finger's snap, the doctor knew me by name and more than anything, it was my comfort zone. Post baby too, we kept going to Trivandrum at every possible opportunity. Each time B's work took him outside Bangalore, we left for Kerala. I wasn't comfortable staying alone in Bangalore with Adhrith. I felt insecure to say the least. Each time Adhrith fell sick, I wanted to rush to Trivandrum because I felt at peace only with the doctor back home. Also, life revolved around just the three of us. We had friends and family scattered across Bangalore but no one that we met frequently, no one to make us feel assured about being nearby.

Soon, we shifted to a beautiful apartment near B's office. We slowly started making friends here. Friends whom we would meet daily. Friends with whom we went for mundane, household and grocery shopping. Friends who accompanied me to take Adhrith to the doctor's just because they didn't want me to go alone. Friends who made sure that I need't depend on the husband to get house-related work done. While Adhrith made friends with whom he wanted to spend every waking minute with, I got an amazing set of friends myself. We started settling down in the truest sense. We found an  amazing paediatrician nearby, to whom I rush to atleast twice a month, who, along with her staff knows Adhrith by his name, who takes an extra two minutes off her consulting time to play peekaboo with Adhrith or talk to him about spiderman or chocolates (it means a lot, especially when I am terribly worried about my baby not being well!). Once school started, while the boy made himself comfortable there, I made friends with a couple of amazing mammas there as well. 

Now, after all these years, slowly, Bangalore has started to feel like home. So much so that, last time when we went home, I was eager to come back soon that my folks back home was wondering what fell on my head, trying to figure out what was happening. This time, when B had his overseas travel scheduled for two weeks, I stood my ground stating that Adhrith and I will stay back in Bangalore. I fought with him and my mom, both of them wanting someone to come from Kerala to give us company until B was back, and I, fighting to stay alone with Adhrith alone here. For the first time in my 6 years of Bangalore life, I felt home in Bangalore. I felt secure. I knew help was right there at my doorstep with the friends I've made here who have become like family. And they proved it rightly so. Each time, we went out alone, they made it a point to check on us and ensured we reached back home safely. On those days when I was too lazy to cook, we had food brought to us. I was never made to feel that I was staying alone with my little boy. We had fun going out, roaming through the streets of Malleswaram (yes, now I've found places where I get good deals too!), doing play dates and having dinner outings. While we missed Daddy, we enjoyed our two weeks so much so that when B was back, the first thing he told me was how I seemed to have enjoyed the two weeks since I was glowing with happiness! :D

And I realised, it's not the house alone that creates a place home. It takes the people around you too. People who go out of their way to treat and make you feel like family, who makes sure you are safe and comfortable even while you are alone at home with your baby. That's when you start feeling at home. When you would rather be nowhere else, because it is here that you are at peace. And that's how Bangalore became home to me. After 6 long years!

Let's Be Human!

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Two days back, an Emirates plane from Trivandrum to Dubai crash-landed at the Dubai Airport and caught fire. Soon after this, a video went viral of the chaos inside the flight - people panicking, trying to push their way out and in between this, there were people trying to take out their luggage and laptops from the overhead cabin. This drew lot of flak, with people even stereotyping Asians, Indians and Malayalis, going to the extent of even calling them an 'untameable bunch'.

It's always easy to come up with criticisms or blame others for their actions, but do we realise this could have happened to any of us as well? Do we really know for sure how we would react in case of any emergency? As much as we profess that material goods are not important, we've always been told  over and again about how valuable our expensive mobile phone is, the laptop that carries all our important data including work stuff or the wallet that would have contained the passport and money. We do not know how the human brain would react to an emergency and no one can guess. It is an instant reaction and I'm sure for those grabbing their hand baggage, it was as much a survival instinct as saving their life. 

And if we are blaming them for grabbing baggage and risking other's life, then what about us who are being insensitive and forwarding jokes about the crash? What about us who are making the video viral? Have we thought about the family of the passengers who would be seeing all this and having their heart in their mouth, or those passengers who would rather not relive that moment again? Aren't we being insensitive towards them? Shouldn't our behaviour too be blamed then?

Instead of blaming the human behaviour and tsk-tsking about how people behave in times of a crisis, we should be applauding the efficient rescue system that was in place, we should be whispering a silent prayer for the firefighter who lost his life. There is no right or wrong when it comes to life. People behave in a way that they think is best for them. We do not know how we would have behaved when we see death this close. So let's not judge. Instead, let's be empathetic. Let's be considerate. Let's be kind. Above all, let's be human. That's the need of the hour, more than anything else. 

Once Upon A Honeymoon

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We were together for seven years before we got married. We never lived in the same city until marriage and hence, marriage was something we looked forward to, to spend time together and be with each other. Once the wedding date was fixed, we got busy with the preparations along with other stuffs to sort out like finding an apartment, household items shopping and other boring chores. In all this chaos, we forgot to plan our honeymoon and by the time we realised that, we were too tired to think about a getaway and add the bookings to be made for the honeymoon in our already overflowing list. 

To our surprise (a very pleasant one!), we were gifted with a honeymoon package to Udaipur. I jumped up to the offer, extended my joining date at work by one week, booked our tickets to Udaipur and all of a sudden, out of the blue, we were all set for a honeymoon - one that we never got to plan. Packing done, itinerary set, we were off to the airport for our honeymoon. We had a 3 day 2 night stay in Udaipur and I was all set to explore the place. I absolutely love travelling and when I get a chance to visit a new place I wish to explore the place inside out, even if it means being outdoor the whole day, walking, driving or even, having lunch on the go. So, it was with this hope and dream that I reached Udaipur. We had the hotel car waiting for us at the airport and from there, we were taken to the hotel, which was situated on the banks of Lake Pichola. The property, in itself, was stunning with orchards and gardens and everything about the place was picture perfect. We had a duplex suite room waiting for us and it was beginning to feel like a fairytale honeymoon.

And then it started. I wanted to explore the whole of Udaipur and if possible, the forts and other cities nearby.  He wanted to just chill in the resort and take a break. Each plan we made for the next hour ended with cribbing and fighting. The only thing that could calm me was a book and this time, for the first time as far as I can remember, I didn’t carry a book with me since I was on my honeymoon and who would need a book when you are taking your first getaway with the love of your life. Ha, the illusions of life! We tried accommodating both our plans but if we were going out, he would end up being irritated and if we were spending time at the hotel, I ended up sulky. Our perfect getaway was just not going the way I imagined it to be. Until then, I was made to believe that honeymoon was all about love, romance, holding hands while exploring the city and being happy. The whole glossy picture I’d painted in my mind of a honeymoon couple was totally shattered. Instead of holding hands and walking dreamily like newly weds, we fought and walked with a mindful distance between us. All in all, neither did I get to see the places properly and have a beautiful memory associated with it nor did he get the rest he dreamt of for his perfect honeymoon. Our first trip together, and we did each other’s dream trip and the idea of a perfect trip. 

Looking at it now, the trip did indeed give us memories (we are yet to decide if it’s good or bad) – memories of realizing our differences and letting us take our first step in adjusting and compromising to be the couple that we are today. We learnt to rather keep our expectations low and be overjoyed than be upset because nothing is working out as we dreamt.  We still joke about our disastrous honeymoon trip and now, rather than being haunted by how it went wrong, we laugh about it. It was indeed the best counseling we could ever get as newly weds.

Now, 6 years of being married to each other, we’ve learnt to understand each other better and learnt to live life midpoint where both of us sacrifice a part of our happiness for the other. There have been a lot of adjustments and compromises and that has surely made our life smoother, trips memorable and with that has come a lot of happiness. Yes, since our honeymoon we’ve been to many trips together and each trip has been better than the one before.And yes, we redid our honeymoon on our 5^th wedding anniversary. This time, though, we had a little boy accompany us and we went to the Andamans. We had the perfect getaway, we enjoyed each other’s company, reassured of our love for each other and we didn’t want to come back. There was no cribbing or grunting of any manner and we spent three days as honeymooners (or honeymooning parents?). And, I fell in love with him all over again!