I took a break from work when I was pregnant with my little boy. As much as I wanted to get back to work after he was born, the break extended to around two and a half years. I slowly started penning down our chronicles and publishing it and I got offers to write. Soon, I was working on a couple of things on my terms and time and I had the flexibility and a lot of time for myself. I worked only on hours when the little boy was away at school or asleep. The house was spic and span, neat and clean. The food was hot and ready by mealtimes. Then, almost a year and half back, I got an amazing opportunity to work for a social sector startup. It was in a field that I loved, a work from home opportunity and something that would bring me steady income monthly. There started my true life as a work from home mom.
In this last year and a half, life has been a juggle. It takes every nerve in my body to stay afloat, sometimes even sinking and then taking extra effort to get back. It is a sad reality that people take work from home very lightly. It's pretty much seen as a part time work for a bit of pocket money, while managing the house. This, sadly, is far from reality.
I start my day early in the morning and finish all the household chores before I have to drop the little boy to school and sit down for work. It's a whole day of work and I don't divert from work to get house things done. The only break that I take is lunch time, half of which goes to pick up the kiddo from school and getting him to sleep (only because I can work that time without feeling guilty of not spending time with him!). I again get back to work until evening, when the little boy prompts me that I have to wind up my work and take him to the park. Any time off from work is leave and is noted.
There's a lot of guilt. A constant guilt of not being there for your child inspite of being right there in front of him. The guilt of the house being messy all the time and not getting the time to clean up. The guilt of ordering food because you didn't get time in the morning to prepare or you got off a call late that it became too late to prepare food. The guilt of being impatient and rushing the little one. The guilt of giving screen time to your child so that you get additional time to finish up your work.
I get panic attacks when people do a surprise visit to my place (because, trust me, it is as messy as it can get!). There's a lot of "Oh, how lucky that you work from home. You can manage the house and still spend some time to work" that bugs me to the core yet I hold back from giving an apt reply. There's this constant struggle of managing child care if you have to go for meetings but you haven't enrolled for child care since most of the days you are home when the little one comes home.
A work from home job is a blessing. Of course it is in many ways! But it is definitely not a breeze. It is hard. But I am also grateful. Amidst the constant struggles and guilt, I've found joy and happiness from being able to be involved and doing some amazing work in an area that is very close to my heart. Yes, I do not get the time to finish many chores and I panic when I have surprise guests but I am willing to let it be for the greater good that a work from home job comes with. I am happy that I can pick up my little boy from school, I am happy that I can read stories for him when I take a break. I am happy to just be around. And most of all, everything just seems right and I know my little boy is proud of his Amma when he tells his dad, "You should ask Amma for money, she has lots of money" even though it is far from reality ;)
There's a lot of guilt. A constant guilt of not being there for your child inspite of being right there in front of him. The guilt of the house being messy all the time and not getting the time to clean up. The guilt of ordering food because you didn't get time in the morning to prepare or you got off a call late that it became too late to prepare food. The guilt of being impatient and rushing the little one. The guilt of giving screen time to your child so that you get additional time to finish up your work.
I get panic attacks when people do a surprise visit to my place (because, trust me, it is as messy as it can get!). There's a lot of "Oh, how lucky that you work from home. You can manage the house and still spend some time to work" that bugs me to the core yet I hold back from giving an apt reply. There's this constant struggle of managing child care if you have to go for meetings but you haven't enrolled for child care since most of the days you are home when the little one comes home.
A work from home job is a blessing. Of course it is in many ways! But it is definitely not a breeze. It is hard. But I am also grateful. Amidst the constant struggles and guilt, I've found joy and happiness from being able to be involved and doing some amazing work in an area that is very close to my heart. Yes, I do not get the time to finish many chores and I panic when I have surprise guests but I am willing to let it be for the greater good that a work from home job comes with. I am happy that I can pick up my little boy from school, I am happy that I can read stories for him when I take a break. I am happy to just be around. And most of all, everything just seems right and I know my little boy is proud of his Amma when he tells his dad, "You should ask Amma for money, she has lots of money" even though it is far from reality ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment