While The Little One Is Away For His Vacation

It's vacation time and the little one has gone to his grandparents' to enjoy his holidays by getting pampered, surrounded by people ready to be at his service, and breaking all the rules that is strictly followed by his parents!

When his Ammumma (grandmother) requested that he spent his holidays with them, I was happy to consent. While the boy would be happy to get all the attention and all that he wanted, I would get some 'me-time' to catch up on all the pending work and reading. And also some time to sit back, relax and breathe. And it was not like we haven't stayed apart. The little one has been staying with his grandparents every now and then for a couple of days since he was just above a year. But, when the time came to see him off at the airport this time, my mind was in a turmoil. I felt terribly lonely and I could feel my eyes well up. This was not the first time, but this was the first time my little boy was away from me for no particular reason. All the previous times, it was I who was travelling and hence it was I who always kissed him goodbye. This time, though, it was different! I wasn't going anywhere. And it was very difficult to wave my baby goodbye.

For the first time in three years, B and I were alone together. All the previous times, whenever the little one was at his grandparents', B would have been on one of his work trips and I would have been travelling, and hence, all three of us would have been at separate places busy with our own lives. But this time it was different. We were together without the little one for the first time since he was born and all of a sudden there was an awkwardness between us. In between all the parenting joys and troubles that engulfed us in the last three years, we forgot what it was to be a couple.  In fact, it felt like meeting each other after a very long time, if not for the first time, and panicking because there was a weird silence between us all of a sudden. It took a long drive, a dinner date and extra effort to strike a random conversation to break the ice. Somewhere along the rush to be the perfect parents to the little boy, we had sidelined us. All the long, marathon talks that we had before the baby now seemed like a distant memory from another life. When did we took the role of just being parents and forget the couple in us? Of course, we are still in love, but love took a new meaning somewhere in between. It was no more about being sweethearts, rather, it included a tiny bundle of joy that took the limelight away from us and self invited himself to be the spotlight, our star, our centre of attraction. 

Over the past two days, there have been times when I've missed him terrible and just wanted to break down and cry. I miss the tiny hands on my neck when we are sleepy, I miss the naughty feet pulling the table to the kitchen counter top and climbing on it to see what I was cooking, I miss the naughty giggles after turning the house upside down. Oh, I terribly miss him! Our home is just not the same without the little one around. The silence is indeed more maddening than all the cries and mess that the little boy makes. While I was looking forward to some 'me-time' and time alone with the husband, trying to regain my sanity among all the parenting craziness, I am not quite sure about it now. Am I actually regaining by sanity? I don't know. In fact, I really don't think so. 

We were married for three years before we had the little one. And ever since, it has been an action packed life with so much cheer and happiness, along with some hair pulling, nerve-racking moments, of course. But his presence in our life was such that I do not remember how we lived the three years as a couple before he turned us to parents. In fact, I do not seem to remember anything at all about our life before he was born. What did we talk? How did we spend time together? As much as we enjoyed our couple time then, looking back, life seemed to have been a dry run without all the noise and thuds that has filled our lives for three years now.

It's not been many days, but I am already counting the days and hours since I can give my baby a tight hug and snuggle with him, listening to the weirdest, wildest tales, laughing my heart out and playing "Mamma.. Where are you? I can't see you!". It is so true that you do not know what you've been missing unless you've experienced it! Motherhood is indeed a blessing, and I will not trade it for anything. Anything at all. Even if it means sacrificing my sleep, time and even sanity to an extent.