Hey You, My Friend Forever

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Remember, those birthday and christmas cards we exchanged? We wrote friends forever in all those cards. And later, the same friends forever was our signing out message in our email exchanges? Even now, I mean it. In fact, I mean it now more than ever.

I need you now more than ever. While everyone around me talks to me about the baby - what he eats, when he poops, how long he sleeps and other routine questions, I want you around, to talk about how I feel, share gossips and just about everything else that's happening in the outside world. I want to go out with you and spend hours chatting and giggling, enjoying my time away from my kid and yet, not feeling guilty. You are my getaway from motherhood and I need you, to hold onto my sanity in this crazy, fast paced, motherhood journey. I need you so that I realise motherhood is not a sacrifice where I leave my favourite part of life aside for the baby. 

I don't care if you don't have a baby and I am not going to ask you when the 'good news' is coming. I can still relate to your life and of course, you too can. You are the one who knows me and my crazy self. Because, you are the one who loves me for who I am and not for what I've become. You see me the way I am and not just as a mother. You are my getaway from motherhood. You are my cheerleader who will nudge me to let go off the snide remarks I get for my way of parenting and gives me the best advise possible at all times. 

I don't want you to empathise with me about my motherhood worries. I don't want to talk about my baby with you, unless you want me to. What I want is, to talk about myself and hear what's happening in your life. Because, you are the one that help me lead a life outside motherhood and that to me, is as important as being a mommy. 

Stand by me, my dear. Don't back off thinking I would be busy with the baby. I have more things to talk about than how many words my baby speaks and what my baby knows, and there are just a few who want to hear about it. You are one of them and I want you in my life. Always.

The Girl On The Train - Book Review

I was travelling and I had finished reading the book I was carrying. So, I had to get a new book for my journey back home and this book happened. 

Rachel takes the same train to London everyday and while the train makes a stop at a signal that overlooks a stretch of cozy suburban homes, she observes the seemingly perfect life of a couple (whom she names Jess and Jason), until one day sees something that changes everything. Rachel is an alcoholic who can't get over the fact that her ex-husband, Tom left her for his present wife, Anna. She is also jealous that Tom and Anna is leading a happy life with their baby while she was not able to bear a child when she was married to Tom.  The book is told from the point of view of Rachel and partly from the point of view of Megan (Jess) and Anna (Rachel's ex-husband's wife). 

I'm sure people who commute from home to their work place and take the same train daily can relate to the first part of the book where you watch the same set of house and people daily that you feel like you know them and their routine closely, although you have no idea who they are, in reality. The struggles of an alcoholic is portrayed well in the book - the bitterness, helplessness. At times, the author have used Rachel's addiction to her advantage in tracing the story line. But that's fine, because the author has indeed created a fine story line. The book keeps you wondering till the end and the climax was totally worth it. 

I found the book to be well written and cleverly constructed. Right when you feel you know how the story is proceeding, you are thrown off the hook and I, for one, would have never guessed the suspense. I loved the little surprises that was coming my way. It is definitely a thriller, though a light read. While this book was supposed to last me for a couple of days, it didn't. I was too engrossed in the book and I just wasn't able to put it down. Each time I put the book down, I picked it up almost immediately to continue reading. That's how captivating the book was for me. Needless to say, I finished the book in two days and my mind could rest only after it was down.

Though the book is a thriller, it's a very simple book with no complexities. I loved this book to the extent that I am sure this is one of my best reads of 2016. And I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read a thriller or actually to anyone for that matter! I picked the book only because of the reviews and I must say, it did stand upto its expectation. I'm glad I have a personal copy of this book!

P.s: You can click on the link below to buy the book!

Reliving My Childhood

The whole of April we were in Kerala at my parents' house. I really don't know how time passed but before I realised, here we are, back in Bangalore. This time in Kerala, though, I saw a bond, a very special bond, between two little boys who stole my heart even before they were born. My sister (cousin, in fact but we've lived together all our life until marriage, that it feels weird to see her as a cousin) came down around last week of April with her little boy and that's when I experienced all those heart-melting moments. The two boys share an age difference of almost two years and I can see a very special bond forming between them! 

These two have grown up seeing each other quite frequently. But now, when one is 2 and the other 4, they are at that age where they are full of energy and so much active. And this time, I could see them forming a team, holding hands and exploring the forbidden places together, chattering all the time and playing games they invented. They just wanted to be together all the time, from morning till night. Our house was filled with giggles and of course, cries too. They poked, pushed, shoved, kicked, and hugged each other. Oh, it was just so endearing to see how they loved each other. In fact,  even while we slept, my little boy called out for Anamay (my nephew) in his sleep many a times. And the smile he has when he wakes up to see Anamay eagerly waiting for him to be awake? Priceless! I've never seen him give such a hearty smile like that one any other time. Not even to me!

Watching these two boys, I remembered my growing up days with my sister. We were not the best of friends as kids, but we have a lot of memorable moments together. We just had an age difference of one year and we did almost everything together. We lived in a joint family until I was around 13 and then we shifted to our present home, a twin house where it was almost like living together but with the privacy and freedom any family would want. For us, kids, along with this came the option of two menus during food time. There have been several days when I've had breakfast/lunch two times because the breakfast at her place looked more appealing or I just wanted to sit, chat and have a meal with her. We fought terribly, bitched about each other and sometimes, even hated each other but if an outside person came between us, it was us against them. 

We grew up playing all day long, sharing toys that we really didn't want to share and exchanging clothes. We were partners in crime most of the time and I can see the same trait in our boys. In fact, this time, I could see them doing all the similar stuffs that we did as kids and I couldn't help, but think of the long gone days and smile, seeing us through them. Now, just like us, the boys too seem to be taking two meals at a time just because Anamay wants to have dosa with "Adhrithu" or Adhrith wants to have pudding because Anamay is having it. The afternoon naps are long forgotten, if not for the elders separating them apart after lot of drama. We are totally ignored and many a times we've been explicitly told by them to mind our own business! 

This photo brought back memories of a time long back, when we were a little bigger than they are now - the time when we played in Chittappan's (Dad's brother) bike, doing imaginary rides and fighting to drive. In fact, once, the bike fell down and we were terrified of the scoldings we were sure to get. Chittappan was not home that time and that was the only day we slept in the afternoon without being told to and we did sleep for a long time to let the storm pass. Thankfully, everyone found it funny and we were spared. Boy, how scared we were! :D

We are no more kids. But now, with these two boys in our lives, we are reliving every moment of those days when we were kids. Last two weeks were pure joy in terms of watching them play and bonding with each other.  Through them, I revisited my childhood, watched myself as a kid and that was the best experience ever.  I truly hope there is going to be more of this in the years to come. And it makes me whisper a silent prayer, to be grateful for what I have and help me hold it close to my heart. Always!

Some Mother's Day Rambling

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My facebook wall is full of Mother’s Day updates. So is my instagram. Almost everybody on my list has a mother’s day update. And I? Even as the day is about to end, I am yet to figure out why the day is so special. It’s been 2 years - 2 years 5 months to be exact - since I became a mother. And I can’t pinpoint a single day where I’ve felt more like being a mother or the other way round. Each day has been a rollercoaster ride, with ups and downs, speeding at times and slowing down at another point, feeling scared at times yet laughing and embracing the moment at other times, but in the end, I lie down knowing that it has indeed been a joyous ride and I would do it all over again.

Since being a mother, I’ve never been able to dictate life on my terms. It just goes at its pace and I go with the flow. I can’t afford to be lazy on Sundays and curl up on the bed staying hungry because I have to feed a certain hungry tummy. I can’t have a house that looks perfect with things in its place, spick and span, because there are toys and leftovers thrown all over the place. I can’t afford to be gloomy and have mood swings because there is an innocent, little face looking eagerly at me and wanting to see me smile. Each day requires extra effort and yet, as the day comes to an end, I still have a content smile on my face. And that assures me why I look forward to the chaos the next day. That tells me why the day that just passed by is Mother’s Day just like all the other days.

Since motherhood embraced me, I’ve celebrated one person in my life daily – my mother. Not because I know what she went through as a mother or not because I can relate to her motherhood struggles but because, she is the one who has stood by me like a rock ever since I got pregnant. She is the one who selflessly took care of me like a baby while the rest of the world started looking at me like a mother. She is the only one who understood my mood swings, tantrums and still accommodated me even while I was at my worst with her. She is the only one who offers to take care of the little one while I take a break because she knows I need a break badly even more than the fact that she would get to spend time with my baby. Yes, I truly value her a lot more after I became a mother. Because, there have been times where, without her, I simply wouldn’t have been able to push through and past. If it wasn’t for her, I might not be able to enjoy motherhood as I do now. And I will forever be grateful to her, not just one day in a year but every single second. And to celebrate her, I don’t need a specific day. I really don’t. Because, I celebrate her in every breathe that I take.

But yes, if still a particular day needs to be kept aside to celebrate moms, I would really love to take a break that day. No, not a physical break, but a break from being judged as a mother, a break from being watched over by eyes trying to find where I falter as a mom or a break from being tsk-tsked in general. And that day, I will smile without holding back and wish you a very happy Mother’s Day. Until then, I will treat every day as Mother’s Day and carry on with my motherhood duties.

From Sweethearts To Parents

I met him just after I passed out from school. I still remember, very clearly, seeing him for the first time and everything associated with it. Somewhere down the line, circumstances brought us together and we became close friends. We talked and talked, about everything under the sun. We saw each other's worst and lows yet nothing changed. Over the years, we became an integral part in each other's lives; sharing our joys and worries became a habit that it just made sense to take the relation to the next level. I remember talking to him all through the night, weaving dreams about our future and feeling good. Of course, we had our share of fights and meltdowns, but above that there was a love that was filled with hopes and dreams, a love to share life together, a love that was meant to be. 

We never lived in the same city until marriage and I would be lying if I say long distance was not a problem for us. It was, with the different time zones and sleep patterns. But we sailed through it all, because we couldn't think of a life without the other and so the hurdles never mattered. Those cheesy lovey dovey messages, not wanting to keep the phone even after hours of nonstop chitchatting, long mails about mundane things, the 'already missing you' message right after we bid good bye- oh yes, we've done it all. 

Then, marriage happened and along with it came the reality check. Along with our dreams, came the reality of bills, rents, family obligations. Once we started living together, we started seeing each other's imperfections and realised life is not as rosy as it seems while you are dating. It is so true, you won't know a person inside out until you start living with them. At times, we were at each other's neck and at other times, we were so much in love with each other. There still were messages sent, but it was mostly replaced by 'will you pick me today' and 'what's for dinner?'. Life was not all about the dreams that we wove. Yet, it was a perfect blend of reality and dreams. Though we had our sweetheart moments, we grew up together as husband and wife. We deliberately took time to enjoy each other's company, enjoy our life as husband and wife before we were ready for a baby. Until then, it was just us and our world. 

When we found out I was pregnant, we were back to a dreamy world, weaving our future together but this time, with a little one, the size of a berry, who was going to be our whole life soon. We snuggled up to each other whenever we could and I loved his hand resting on my preggy tummy. In came cheesy dialogues again, but this time it included our baby as well. Our little world was filled with baby names, we fought as to who gets to hold the baby first and talked about how we would raise our little one. We were in our own world, where we talked to the little one in baby voices and nothing else mattered then.

When parenthood took over us, he was my knight in shining armour. He stepped up, taking his dad role very seriously and took care of the little one right from the first hour. It was he who held the baby first and since then, he has been a pro when it comes to being a daddy. Those initial sleepless nights that people tell a new mom goes through? I didn't know it much, because I had a man who was willing to get up in the middle of the night to take care of his wife and baby boy. He fed the baby, burped him, changed the diapers and made him sleep, all this while I got my much needed rest. He stood up for me and respected my decisions as a mother. I fell in love with him all over again. 

Now, two years into being parents, routine has set and we are back on each other's nerves. Messages are back to one-liner "need to buy veggies" or "taking little one to the park". The long phone calls have been replaced by hardly a minute calls. Life is chaotic with a toddler boy. Yet, amidst all this, there exists a calmness, a sort of peace that comes from the feeling you are in the right place with the right people. In spite of the senseless fights, walkouts and other melodramas, I do not know, or rather, want a life other than the one with him. If ten years back, we were blindly in love with each other and weaving our dream life together, now, we are living the life we dreamt together as sweethearts woven together by bill payments, school fees, grocery shopping, raising a baby bear and other realities, yet filled with abundant love and respect that comes with years of understanding and sailing storms together. And there is nothing sweeter and content than this. Nothing!