Life Always Comes Full Circle

The week that went by was a package full of contradictory emotions. The little boy started his pre-school and for the first time he didn't want to be separated from me, yet he adjusted in the best possible way and comes back to me (except for one day) with a smile. Once we reach home, we talk about how his school was and he tells me, with his broken sentences, what he did at school.

Watching him, all ready for his first day at school, I realised that my little one was growing up. Way too fast? That's how I felt! My heart felt heavy seeing him this big as compared to the tiny newborn that he was. He is outgrowing his clothes on a fast pace and today, seeing how big his pants has become now, I felt a tug in my heart (I may sound stupid and it may still be small but it has definitely got bigger from the time he was born!). The last time I felt this upset was when he got his first tooth and I missed his toothless grin terribly! I was upset for a long time thinking that my baby was no more a newborn! I kept telling my friends this and each had their set of advices and explanations to give, ranging from how glad I should be that the little one is growing so that I could get over with the feeding and diaper phase soon to by the time I have my second (and maybe third) kid, I would not have time to think of such things. They may be right, but he is my first and emotions like these come like waves when it strikes me at the most unexpected times that my little boy is growing up! I will always remember that first moment I set eyes on him and it is that newborn face I will associate with him. Always!

Though I am glad to see him grow and I need to worry if he doesn't, I am sad to see him growing up so fast! And I realised, motherhood is all about contradictions. You want them to grow yet you want time to come to a standstill so that you can soak it all in. You want them to be independent yet when you are not with them, you worry your heart out. You are happy to see them off at school yet when they cry you just want to grab them and run back home. And a lot more.

Now I know why my dad refused to believe I was old enough to get married, now I know why my mother's eyes welled up when I went abroad to study and later when I got married, now I know why even now they worry so much about me, now I know why my in-laws worry about their son all the time. Now I know I will go through this same phase, because life always comes full circle!