Why I Dislike Sharing My Books

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I remember the first time I read a book. I remember it very clearly. It was the classic Black Beauty and I fell in love - not just with Black Beauty or the book, but with books in general. Couple of days later, I was down sick and my neighbour brought a couple of books to read - Secret Seven. I remember the first time I was gifted a book. It was the same year and a family friend gifted me two three-in-one Famous Five books and I was hooked. I remember the first time Amma took me to a library and I never wanted to leave that place. It became my getaway during holidays and vacations - going there as soon as the library opened, picking a book from those endless shelves, setting down on a stool and reading until Amma came to pick me. Soon, reading became a habit and I read as much as I could - different authors, different genre, different language but the happiness I got remained the same. Years later, when I got married, amongst the gifts I got, there was a gift (or the person who gifted it) I will never forget - it was Paulo Coelho's 'Inspirations'. I remember my excitement on opening up the gift to find a book inside. 

Ever since I started reading, books have been everything I needed. I read when I am happy, sad, bored, irritated, sleepy and oh well, I don't need a reason to read! It soothed me when I was cranky and it just was there at all times right by my side. It became my soulmate and I travelled worldwide through it, I celebrated life with many people, I cried along so many others and I lived a hundred lives.

Books have been my first babies and I took care of them with all the tender, love and affection. And lending them was exactly like giving my heart away. It just is not possible for me to lend my books to anyone, be it even for a day, except to a very few, countable, closest friends who think the world of books just like I do and who knows how much I heart them and what it means to me. Likewise, I rarely borrow books from anyone except from those few I mentioned earlier. If I am not comfortable leaving my baby alone with you, trust me, I am not comfortable lending you my books as well.  In other words, I will share my books only if I am fully assured that you will take care of it just like how you would take care of my baby. Because, they have a life and I am not willing to endanger that. I take care of them in the best possible way and it hurts me even if a slight scar happens to it. 

So, hey you, who want to borrow books from me, you are at risk of being looked at like a kidnapper in my mind. Please save me the trouble of telling you how uncomfortable it is for me to share my books. I dislike hate sharing my prized possessions and books are one of them!

Alphabet Soup For Lovers - Book Review

I love food and I love books. And when these two combine, I wholeheartedly grab the book for a good read. And that is how I picked 'Alphabet Soup For Lovers'. Who wouldn't love a good soup to warm your soul. I, for one, am a sucker for soups!

The story is set in the picturesque Annamalai Hills where Lena and her husband, KK owns a homestay. The story is told partly by their cook, Komathi (oh, I loved her!) - who is living with memories of lost love and the stolen wonderful times she had with her 'Rayar' and who has been looking after Lena ever since she was a six year old - and partly by Lena. The story revolves around Komathi trying to learn the English alphabets through what she could relate most to - food and Lena's love affair with the new guest at their homestay - a South Indian superstar.

The description of the setting is picture perfect that I just wanted to pack my bag and set off to the beautiful Annamalai Hills with its tea estates and shola and breathe in the fresh air, walk through the hills and just forget everything else. There sure is something about the hills that soothes you, calms you down and prepares you for the life ahead!

I absolutely loved (and adored) how Komathi learns each alphabet. She brings about so much life to the book, with her stories encircling the food related to the particular alphabet, the anecdotes and the age old myths. A few of my favourites were G for the Godumai Dosa and how the cast iron should be treated like an aged grandparent, oiled and brought out only for specific reasons (so true!), K for Kariveppilai (so true how the author addressed how Kariveppilai should not be touched by women on the days we bleed - "If we touch it on the days we bleed, it will dry up. It will not dry up if a man who beats his wife, starves his other or rapes a two year old girl goes near it", the N for Nandu and T for Thayir ("thayir slides down your throat, leaving a trail of cool wetness that heals your insides as much as your frazzled nerves" - true that!). Throughout the book, I was drooling over the food mentioned, just about everything. Food is comfort and reading about all that was there in the book, I just wanted to go to my mother and grandmother and have those 'soothe the heart and soul' food that they cook and be at peace.

I couldn't quite relate to, or rather, agree with Lena's story though. Yes, people do fall in love in the most unexpected circumstances, even while seeming to be in a perfect marriage. And it is totally upto you to walk out of a marriage to do justice to all the parties involved. But, blame it on me being traditionalist or having seen friends pass through this phase and the emotional trauma associated, I just was not able to enjoy Lena's and Shoola Pani's affair. Leaving the adultery side apart, I did enjoy how their love was described, how connected they felt to each other, the names they had for each other and of course, Arcadia - the place they inhabit. 

Also, the Kerala connection to the novel was so pleasantly relatable. The reference to the Song of Solomon being a great favourite with screenplay writers in Malayalam brought about scenes from the wonderful 'Namukku Parkkan Munthirithoppu' movie and a smile on my face while I read. In 'E is for Eeral', Komathi describes how Lena's Ammachi (grandmother) told that in Kerala, they don't see the heart as the place where love comes to rest, it is with the liver we love. Being a Keralite, I could totally understand the essence of this - so relatable, the connection between liver and love!

As much as I loved the food aspect, Komathi, her stories and of course, the Annamalai hills, I couldn't agree with the adulterous aspect of the book. I just couldn't. Because of this, I am yet to figure out whether I loved or hated this book. Maybe, I'll leave it just like that, for the book that it is, for the book that I loved and hated!

P.s: You can click on the link below to buy the book!

Kerala's Very Own Puttu Restaurant

There is a restaurant in Cochin which became the talk of town from the first day it started operations. You could always see a crowd waiting patiently in the front area, be it afternoon, evening or night and most people commented it is only because the place is owned by a superstar in the Malayalam film industry. Then I met people who dined there and they were those who loved everything about the place and it had nothing to do with its association with the superstar. This talk of the town place is called Dhe Puttu and it serves only Puttu (but different varieties, of course) - one of the favourite breakfast items of a Malayali. If you want to know more about this amazing dish, please feel free to read about it here.

This place is very near to where my in laws stay and ever since it opened, I badly wanted to try out this place but sadly, none around me wanted to. "Puttu? In the afternoon (or night)?", "If you want to have puttu, then why do you need to go to a restaurant", "It is always crowded", were just a few excuses I got.  I am yet to find the logic with most - if you can have Dosas, Biryani and Meals at a restaurant, then why not Puttu?, if you can have Dosa in the night, then why not Puttu?. But other than people giving me a weird look they don't seem to get my logic, sadly!

Anyway, my dream of having puttu from this place finally came true when I was pregnant and generally, all my wishes were granted by the family, no questions asked. I was someone who had absolutely no cravings during pregnancy, but I used my pregnancy superpower to get me the puttu from this 'famous for puttu' place. So, while I was in Trivandrum and Achan (my dad) had to travel to Cochin for a meeting, I made sure to tell him, his friend and the driver that I wanted puttu from Dhe Puttu. So the Vegetable Biryani Puttu came back home with Achan late in the night and the first thing I had in the morning was of course, Puttu with Kadala Curry (the Kerala version of Chana curry). The Puttu was stuffed with vegetables sautéed in masala mix, as with vegetable biryani and it was as soft as sand. This, mixed with the Kadala Curry which had coconut roasted with spices and ground to fine paste as the gravy, was heaven to me that day. Needless to say, I over-ate that morning and yet didn't feel a bit guilty as I was getting happy kicks from a little someone inside me.

Fast forward to two years, I was still trying to convince people around me to accompany me to Dhe Puttu and it just was not working out. Finally, I succeeded in convincing the husband's cousins and off we went for dinner. We were a group of 9 and as usual there was a crowd waiting for a table and we gave our name to the front desk and waited for our turn. In the meanwhile, three of the cousins went to Fab India located on the floor just above. We were told by the front desk staff that we might have to wait for sometime since we were a big group and that he would try his best to get us a table at the earliest. In about 15-20 minutes time we were called and when we were entering we told them that three people in our group will join us soon. The staff promptly told us that if that's the case then we would have to wait since they have people waiting and didn't want to delay the service. They promised us that as soon as they came we would be given our table. Thankfully, by then, the three joined us. This though, left a huge impression on me!

The place has a very rustic and antique look to it. There is no false ceiling and the place has been left as it is without much interior brouhaha. As soon as we were seated we were served the famous 'sulaimani' - a spice infused lemon tea and a basket of 'pappadam'. The names of most puttu are popular film names and the curry/side dish has to be ordered separately. This time around, I ordered the American Chopsuey Puttu while the others ordered a mix of other puttu - including Amar Akbar Anthony (ordered by the egg loving husband, just because it had an omelette as its side), Punjabi House, Kunjikoonan Puttu with Duck Curry, Runway, Chicken Curry and Kadala Curry. 

I didn't like the fusion mix of American Chopsuey and Puttu. It just didn't feel right to me - the saucy flavour and good old puttu. It was like a traditional person trying to go modern. Compared to the American Chosuey Puttu, the Punjabi House puttu, which had a filling of paneer and masala, definitely got my vote. The filling was perfect and it blended well with the puttu. The Kadala Curry, as with my first time experience, was tasty though it comes nowhere near the Kadala Curry my mother in law and her sisters make. My favourite though, was the free unlimited sulaimani that they served. I lost count of the glasses I had. With a slight hint of cinnamon, it was soothing, refreshing and flavourful. The rest of them loved the chicken curry much more than the duck (I, being a vegetarian, can't comment on this!) and since we were a big group there was a mixed opinion about the food. But, unanimously, we all loved the dining experience we had that day.

This time around, more than the food I fell in love with the place, the super proactive staff and of course, the sulaimani. And I am not yet done. I will still try to convince people to come with me to Dhe Puttu but next time I am going to stick to the normal ones than the fusion Puttu and I am sure I am going to fall in love again. 

A Mother's Bucket List

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Quite a lot of us have our very own bucket list and nothing gives more joy than crossing out the items in it. Though officially I never made a bucket list, I had my list of things to do too. But now, being a mother, my bucket list sure has changed and I find the new list much harder to conquer than the earlier one. While there is more to the list, here goes my top ten in no particular order:

1. Have an hour long bath without any interruption -  The usual escape zone in the house is suddenly public post baby. For the ignorant souls who doesn't understand what interruption a bathing mother faces, here goes - The baby wants milk (or his grandmother/great grandmother thinks so) at the exact time his Amma is having bath, the  boy running inside the bathroom all of a sudden wanting to see his Amma (while all the time she was out there, nobody paid any attention to her!), the only time a toddler opens his mouth and says "susu" hearing which any mother would grab the kiddo into the toilet for the so called "potty training" and the little one forgets the "susu" and starts playing with the water (more fun!), persistent knocks on the door (if you lock the door) by the husband/mother/grandmother/father/brother/mother in law because, just because, the baby asked for his Amma (really? couldn't you just tell him that his Amma is having a bath?).

2. A potty trained baby - Trust me, I am sure this ranks high up in most moms' bucket list. After countless diaper changes from day one, we look forward to a potty trained baby who says "susu" and "potty" without wetting/soiling his pants and yet act cool as if nothing happened. If this is not reason enough, the highest household expense is that of buying pampers (if somebody told all the new parents how expensive this underwear like thing is, we would've thought twice before baby making, for sure!). And if, fearing you will run out of money buying pampers, you leave the baby pampers-less, then he is so happy to go "susu"-ing around the whole house that you are sure to end up thinking wearing pampers, irrespective of the expense, is better than breaking your back mopping the house every half an hour!

3. Eat an ice cream/chocolate without a little voice shouting "ikeem/chokate"- As much as I love my little one, it will not hurt if I can have an ice cream/chocolate all by myself. I call out my little one as loudly as possible and he will not hear me, but the moment the divine word is uttered anywhere in the house or even, for that matter, in a big ground where he is nowhere in sight, the boy would still come running to me and say "Amma, ikeem?". 

4. Getaway time, let alone a day, without the husband and the kid and without the husband calling every 15 minutes to check why the kid is crying, what to give the kid, how to entertain the kid and other irrelevant doubts - Admit it, when there are two kids (the husband acts like a kid most of the time) and though you love the giggles, non-stop entertainment and the fun, there are times when there are tantrums and emotional drama, and you just want to get far away from the two people who matter to you most and have some time just for yourself.

5. Go back to the pre pregnancy figure with no flab, whatsoever, bulging out from the sides and front - Though I don't have time to bother about this nonsense called the pregnancy fat, still at times, those rare moments, we do think of those long forgotten days of flat tummies and yearn for the body to look like how it was pre pregnancy. Because, sometimes it seems like a dream long gone and I really don't remember my body pre pregnancy!

6. Live a day, just one day, without hearing unsolicited advices from the (not so) well wishers on how to raise your baby better - They are the all pervading lot and many a times I've felt like giving them a punch straight on their face or just say, very very loudly, mind your business. They are the ones who tell me how I should feed my baby, what I should eat, when I should make my baby sleep, and so on and on. They are the ones who ruin my day and give me a headache. Given a chance, I will stay away from them all my life but sadly, that does not seem like how it is going to be.

7. No paediatric visit for atleast a three month stretch - The number of times I went to the hospital in the last two years is way higher than what I've gone in the 28 years before that, for sure! This boy of mine has to fall sick once a month. And each time the boy falls sick, it affects every single nerve in my body, it tires me out and I become this two faced monster who acts strong outside but is so worried and weak inside. Each time he falls sick, I am reminded of the time he fell really ill and I had a dreadful two weeks which I don't even like to think about and it's scary. I really need a break from this!

8. Sleep peacefully and undisturbed for 8 hours at a stretch  - I've been blessed in this. The boy had always been good from the time he was born, sleeping through the night as if he needs his sleep much more than us and thereby letting me sleep. Also, I must add, I am blessed with two amazing souls - my mother and husband, who was ever ready to sacrifice their sleep during the initial days and let me have my sleep. However, off late the boy seems to get bored of sleeping during the early hours of the day. So he pokes me, tries to wake me up with a "Amma... hii.. morninnng" and that seems to be the best time in the whole of 24 hours he gets in a day to strike a conversation with me. If that is not the case, I have a little finger poking my eyes or using my eyes as if it was a joystick in the middle of the night and it is still a mystery how, even in his sleep, he knows if the eyes he is poking is mine or not!

9. Have the baby eat his food (on his own?) and empty the plate without any fuss or drama - Whatever happened to the 6 month old boy who was a total foodie and was way too eager to have the food in his plate? Now, the boy prefers testing Newton's law of gravity with the dosa, bathing his idli, feeding milk to his high chair and such other similar activities. When this mother has so much to do, feeding this boy who seems to be so disinterested in what is in front of him (other than if it is chocolate, ice cream or cake, of course) is time consuming and exhausting. 

10. A neat house with toys arranged in one corner and not scattered everywhere - This is a dream definitely. The house looks like earthquake struck all the time and if at all I get to clean the house without any interference, it just takes him a maximum of 60 seconds to get the house back to the earthquake mode.

Though things in my list is sure to be checked one day unlike the uncertainty that usually remains in the bucket list, right now this seems to be quite unconquerable. While I would love to do all those adventure and see-the-world activities, this seems to be my priority now and the joy of achieving this list of mine is way higher than anything else!

To The One I Take For Granted

You are the one I reach out in times of need.  You are the one on whom I vent my anxiety and worries, yet you never complain. When I fell in love, you are the one I turned to and I will always remember how you told me the pros and cons, yet supporting my choice. You are the one who bore the brunt of the bridezilla in me. You are the only one I wanted to talk to about my pregnancy worries. You are the one I wouldn't let take a break when I had a baby because I trusted only you with my baby. You are the one I reach out when I am scared yet act strong when my baby falls sick. You are my prayer request box - the only person's prayer I believe in. You are my strongest pillar indeed.

From the time I remember, you've been my champion. You taught me what a woman is capable of. You've been my biggest cheerleader and pushing me to extent my limits always. You've left no stone unturned in bringing us up in the best possible way. You've made it possible to pursue my interests no matter what. You've always been the one who has supported me in whatever I do. You've let me learn from my mistakes without imposing what you feel is right. You've let me be me.

I value you more after I've become a mother. You are my bible when it comes to bringing up my baby. You taught me that there is a fine line between pampering your little one and spoiling your baby and you should never cross that line. You taught me a mother needs to be calm in times of crisis and no hurdle is big for a mother. You taught me to be open about my problems so that I have people to help me out in need. You showed me how a lady should live her life yet be the foundation of her family. You  showed me how important it is for a girl to have her friends as much as she needs her family. You taught me that we, women, possess superpowers and we put on our cape and rock on when life calls us. 

You are the go to person for our friends, your friends and our family. You've been a mother not just to us but to our friends too - being with them in times of need, holding their hand and listening to their worries and just doing your best for them just like how you would do for us. You've been a sister to your friends - sparing time from your schedule whenever they need you with absolutely no hesitation, helping them in all possible ways and just being there whenever they need you. 

I fight with you the most but you are the one I look upto always. Because of you, to me, a superman is a she and she looks like you! You are my superstar, the one who made me the woman I am. Happy Women's Day, Amma. I love you!

To My Utmost Satisfaction

Dear Adhrith,

As a new mother, I’ve been tested my tolerance level and my patience has been pushed to the maximum. I’ve been given unwanted, unwelcomed advice by random people on how I should take care of you, how to make you sleep, what to do, what not to do, what I should eat and many others that I’ve not even bothered to listen. People who’ve not even seen me feeding you have told me quite authoritatively about how I do not have enough milk for you.  When you fell ill, I was told what medicine I should give you, what I should feed you and how I am not feeding you enough. When I went for a trip without you, people made snide remarks about how I could go and enjoy while leaving my baby behind.

We, new moms, are made to believe right from the day our baby is born as to how lousy we are,  the things that we are not doing correctly are highlighted rather than appreciating the effort we do to make things right for our little one and in general, we are made to believe how we are not doing enough for the baby. We are expected to make sacrifices, to put our interests in the backseat and to keep our happiness aside. We are made to believe that there is no life other than the one that revolves around the baby and our world ends there.

I’ve tried my level best not to be affected by such remarks and I’ve succeed to an extent. I don’t give a heed to any of the unwarranted remarks thrown at me because you are my life and I know I will not compromise on anything concerning you. I give you my best, be it anything and I make it a point to do only what is best for you. I will feed you only when you are hungry and not when I am hungry even when I’ve been blamed over and over again and commented on how my boy looks malnourished. I will not give you food you don't like neither will I distract you and stuff your mouth with food. I want you to enjoy your food and love what you eat. In addition to this, I will definitely not sacrifice my needs and my happiness for you. 

If I want you to see me as the best mother you could’ve asked for, I need to be happy. I want you to know I have a world outside you and I need that world to keep me happy as much as I need you. I definitely don’t want you to see me as a frustrated, depressed mother who doesn’t have a life of her own. If I have to show you what happiness is, I need to be happy.

You are my responsibility and I will make sure that my little one is brought up in the best possible way so that I will never blame the mother in me ever. For this, I will not compromise on anything concerning you. I will take care of you to my utmost satisfaction always so that I will never regret what I did(or did not do). This way, down the line, when I look back, what matters will only be what I did and not what others said! 

Love
Amma! :)